her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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