I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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