i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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