He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
