closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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