im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
