I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
