Kiss
Puke
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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