I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
