it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
