You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
