I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
