dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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