I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's great music for shaving your balls
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
