i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
