Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
