I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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