Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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