You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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