I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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