i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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