I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
