Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
