Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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