Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
