If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
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yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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