ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
