Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
