The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
