Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have post one night stand depression
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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