They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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