Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
