I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
