i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
