I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
