Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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