she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
