Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
