when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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