I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
