Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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