I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
