You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
