honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
kristin has been a bad kristin
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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