can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
