Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It all started with a game of naked twister.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
