Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
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she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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