I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
