I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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