dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
