I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
