It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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