ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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