marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
