I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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