i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
