My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
