Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
