I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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