I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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