Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So many bounce houses so little time
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
