i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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