Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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