Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
