Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
