So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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