Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
