the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
